I've realized that most women cope with anger, sadness, and stress in a completely different way than I do. Most women will eat a pint of ice cream, watch Old Yeller or some sad movie, sulk and cry. I had the opportunity to do that last night and opted out.
Instead, I wrote a blog post about my tears falling inside, someone else's words, but true nonetheless. It's the post beneath this one if you're interested in reading it. So, I wrote. Then I sat on the couch for about 45 seconds and processed the motivation behind what went down that got me to that point, and decided that sulking and being angry about it was pointless. I played some Sarah Vaughan. I listened to her sing Summertime, and I sang it right along with her. "One of these mornings you're gonna rise up singing, then you'll spread your wings and you'll take to the sky. But till that morning, there ain't nothin' can harm you, so hush little baby don't you cry."
I got up after that, after Sarah sang "don't you cry" to me, and I hadn't and wasn't going to, but that meant that it really wasn't worth it. I got up and played some Corinne Bailey Rae - "Three little birds sat on my window, and they told me I don't have to worry.."
A couple of female singers, some music, some singing, some dancing, and the feelings vanished. They were replaced by this feeling of equanimity. It's funny, in the last 2 years I've truly become a different person. I deal with things in ways that make sense to me and keep me sane. I don't punch walls, I don't shed tears, I don't get aggressive. I dance, sing, paint, and laugh. If there are moments where my laughter is punctuated and the next emotion is the opposite, I find a way to get back to the laughter.
Mental health is a wonderful thing.