May 30, 2008

Why is love so hard?

Why do we make love hard on ourselves? Love, the purest emotion, and we manage to cloud it and dirty it and throw it in a hole and drown it. Before we are born we decide how we are going to send love into our lives - and which ways we can learn best from experience. This decision, this pre-birth decision, usually means we'll end up broken hearted or yearning for something we can't touch, or in relationships that don't exactly match the euphoria that is written of in books and acted out in movies.

Why do we do this?? So that when we do find that thing that is in books and movies, we recognize how precious it is and we take it and won't let it go for anything in the world, that's why. Because if it's the untouchable - we suffice to love from afar and dream of the day when it is attainable. Years and lifetimes we'll wait - with our hand on the glass staring through the window. Nevermind the fact that we're all holding a hammer in the other hand. We'll wait because breaking the glass is difficult and painful. Breaking the glass might mean hurting ourselves or even others or God forbid the love that sits beyond that window.

We feel that we aren't worthy of that which we are more than worthy of. We feel that because of the yearning and longing - that the togetherness will ruin the fantasy of perfection. We would rather the heartache and longing than the notion that this dream too, this love will become just reality. That the magic of longing will be replaced by the reality of togetherness. That what was exciting and amazing and yes, scary will devolve into something normal, and quiet and good. We fear wrinkling the silken cloth of love by touching it, and would rather stare at it behind glass, perfect and untouched.

What we don't realize, and don't see is that the silk longs for touch and would rather be ruined with the warmth of love and hands than stay stagnant in an airless chamber. The silk longs to breathe and feel the suns rays regardless of how the light will fade its colors. Safety isn't safe if it drives you crazy.

Trust me. It feels much better to inhale and feel wrinkled and alive.

May 12, 2008


Again my brain is doing its thing
where it stomps on my feelings
and makes me put every little thing
through a sieve
funneling my fun into little bits of lunacy
making my enjoyment
less and less.
my eyes are ripping holes in the sky with the moon
and letting the stars escape them and run down my face
twinkling in their sadness
and falling to the floor
in drips that no one can wish on.

May 6, 2008


A day dripping with sweetness
And an apricot sun
That painted the world with a syrupy dew


I fed it spoonfuls of rage
and mouthfuls of hate
And bit by bit rotted its sky-fruit

I balled up my fear
and flung it at the world

Missing completely
Hitting the sky
And blackening the horizon.