Weirdness.

There is weirdness in the air and I don't know why. It's like in a horror movie when someone starts walking down a hallway that they shouldn't be walking down - and they end up dying... Well, it's not that drastic, but it does have the eerie creeping hairs on the back of your neck feel to it. It's like someone is watching me even though there is no one there.

I think several hours of video games is the only thing that is going to make the feeling go away.

Hmm.

Sometimes the muse changes...

So I have decided that the title to this blog entry will mirror the titles of the paintings that make up my "Sometimes they come from space" collection of paintings. Birthing a show in which I had a concept that was clear and a time frame that was just as clear took a LOT out of me. More than I ever thought possible, actually.

I often don't paint for months at a time because I have nothing to say. In the month of June, I guess I had TONS to say and I gave birth to artwork like mothers push babies out of their birth canals. It was amazing and beautiful, yet painful and exhausting. I have ideas that I'd like to get out on canvas and when I pick up the paintbrush to go for it... I physically can't paint.

I turn on the same music I spent a month painting to, and instead of wanting to paint, I suddenly want to sing. I suddenly want to slack off and waste hours playing video games. I suddenly realize - I think I'm depressed. Is it possible to have post-partum depression even if you didn't give birth to a physical being? Granted, I think I gave birth to about 50 beings last month - so I guess it's possible. I'm just in a funk.

This too, shall pass - as they say.

Gallery Show!

Tonight I will host my first gallery show. That is all.

Thought of the Day!

If two people share the same thought at the same time, the space between them disappears.

Enough using other people's words.

So, I've been on this KT Tunstall kick because of the painting. When I paint, I must listen to something that doesn't make me want to do anything else... like dance or sing. While I have sung KT at Karaoke, listening to her doesn't make me want to sing... ever. Something about the song Universe and You though that rings with me like a great big brass bell.

Listening to that song in particular while painting puts me in this place mentally.

"I can feel everything you do, hear everything you say - even when you're miles away - because I am me, the universe, and you."

I get to this place where everything is calm and serene and just makes sense. I am one with the Universe because I am the Universe. I am made of the stuff of stars. Painting aliens and alien landscapes when you are one with the Universe just makes sense. That song does that for me.

The thing is, I like female vocalists. Oddly, I like at least three vocalists that sound relatively similar - and lyrically similar too. Toby Lightman, KT Tunstall, and Jenny Owen Youngs - I don't even know the freaking genre... I guess it's "Rock" but it's kinda not. More blue-eyed soul/adult contemporary? Who knows, who cares.

It's basically music that half of my friend-base would crucify me for listening to if they knew, the other half might dig it though, I am really not sure.

Thing is, I like an assload of music. From Kings X to Zappa... Britney to Christina... Bach to Front (haha). So don't judge me for my lyrical choices in this blog. Know that I'm a poet and therefore poetry inspires me.

Suck it if you don't like it.

If I had the balls I'd sing this to him...

I look up and the hills seem far away
But they still say more than you
And on my back I see these clouds above
But they still love me more than you.

And I know I don't have to wait for words
I can walk away and listen to the birds
Listen to the birds

They don't say the things I want to hear
They don't change. They stay the same, when I'm near.

I would dearly love to run away from your shadow for just one day
I would dearly love to run away from your shadow for just one day

I don't ever want to steal your time
Because you seem fine while I feel blue
I don't want to say the things I do
because I know I feel it more than you

And I know I don't have to wait for words
I could walk away and listen to the birds
Listen to the birds
'Cause they don't say the things I wanna hear
They don't change
They stay the same when I'm near

And I would dearly love to run away
From your shadow for just one day
I would dearly love to run away
From your shadow for just one day

And I know I don't have to wait for you
I could turn around and find somebody new
Find somebody new yeah
Someone who says the things I need to hear
Doesn't change someone who stays the same
When I'm near.

But I would dearly love to run away
From your shadow for just one day.

Today's Lyrics...Through the Dark by KT Tunstall

As I walk away I look over my shoulder to see what I'm leaving behind
Pieces of puzzles and wishes on eyelashes failed.
Oh, oh
How do I show all the love inside my heart?
This is all new and I'm feeling my way through the dark.

And I used to talk with honest conviction of how I predicted my world
I'm going to leave it stargazers tell me what your telescope says
Oh, oh, what is in store for me now? It's coming apart
I know that it's true as I'm feeling my way through the dark

Trying to find a light on somewhere
Trying to find a light on somewhere

I'm finding I'm falling in love with the dark over me.

Oh, oh what do I know I don't care
Where I start
For my troubles are few as I'm feeling my way through the dark
Feeling my way through the dark...

Giving Up

Sometimes you see the writing on the wall and have to read it.
Sometimes you ignore the writing and the wall and get a face full of bricks.
Sometimes you stare at the wall long enough and faces emerge
Sometimes the wall tumbles down and you're left staring at the rubble.

Sometimes you can climb the wall.

I'm giving it up entirely.
I'm drawing graffiti on it and hoping that whatever might be beyond the wall will climb it and find me. Otherwise... whatever might be beyond it can enjoy staring at the other side of the wall for eternity.

I'm done.

Dark

Tentative and frightened
Hands waving wildly before me
Don't want to hit a wall
Walking in the dark.

The air is cold and dank
The fetid smell of anxiety permeates
Sliding feet along the floor
Don't want to trip
Walking in the dark.

Looking for a hand
To hold and touch your soul
To find my light
Don't want to be alone
Walking in the dark.

The walk is nothing but faith.
No need to take leaps.
Eyes closed
Dropping my arms to my sides
Relaxed
I whisper your name
Yet hear no response
I've lost you
Somewhere out here
Walking in the dark.